Dear Abby: My father rejected me from the family after suggesting therapy – what should I do?

Dear ABBY: After several years of escalating arguments, I told my father that I was tired of fighting with him and we needed family counseling. He became deeply, explosively offended and not only refused to talk about counseling, but cut off all contact with me.

He called my siblings and told them I was disowned and then changed his will. This was certainly an overreaction, but it may be generational. When I said we needed to see a therapist, I think he heard me calling him (or us?) mentally ill, which he found unacceptable.

The relationship with my father is probably beyond repair, but he has told our entire extended family that I am the one who cut off contact with him and started it. I guess it’s kind of true because I said we should be in counseling before seeing each other again, but the way he tells the story made me look like a villain and my aunts and cousins ​​didn’t invite me to family events . No one will pick up the phone or answer emails.

I have a good job and live alone, so it’s not like I need their support, but I miss them and I hate that they think so badly of me. Other than going to counselling, what can I do? – DEFEATED IN MASSACHUSETTS

DEAR MISSING: There’s little more you can do besides what you’ve already tried. You could also send a mass email explaining in detail what happened to your father, telling them you love and miss him, and that you’re sorry that your suggestion that you and your father have family counseling resulted in your avoiding him ( which is what is happening). Then move on with your life and gather a “chosen family” of friends who support you through good times and bad.

Dear ABBY: I am a retired nurse on a limited income. Shortly after retirement, I used a large portion of my retirement money to pay off the house, put on a much-needed new roof, and buy a car and various household items so that I could at least make ends meet. I lived on my Social Security income.

For the past seven years, my daughter has lived with me along with her children, who have grown from one to three in that short time. She is unable to hold down a job because she has a number of mental and medical issues, so I have gladly helped co-parent the children.

I pay the bills, run errands, and provide transportation for our family, while she does most of the grocery shopping. Some of the disputes we end up with are about food – eating and wasting, etc. Because I’ve allowed him to live here and already pay almost all the bills, am I wrong to have a say in menu and grocery list issues? She becomes very possessive about her shopping choices. – FOOD OPERATION IN OKLAHOMA

DEAR END: You are a loving, caring and generous mother. I assume you are also paying for the food your daughter is buying. If so, then your desires should prevail when it comes to what’s on the menu.

Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.