Dear Abby: So I tell my daughter that her dad sends nudes to strangers online?

Dear ABBY: I have been with my live-in boyfriend, “Kyle” for four years. He has many great qualities, the most important of which is that he completely accepts my daughter as his own. He does not see her as a “girlfriend’s child” or even as a “stepchild”. She has no contact with her biological father or any of his family members and has blossomed as a person since Kyle has been in the picture.

The problem is that he likes to message women online through various dating and hookup sites and share sexually explicit pictures and messages. He never put any of them personally. I have confirmed this. He says he just likes the thrill and the attention.

I have expressed many times that I consider this treason. I honestly thought he had turned over a new leaf, but I just found out his behavior is continuing. I am heartbroken, but I worry about what the separation would do to my daughter.

When I left her biological father, she had some major behavioral and emotional problems. I can’t bear the thought of going through that again. She would not only miss her father figure, but also his extended family that has fully embraced her. So do I tough it out until I’m 18 or leave now? – HEART BROKEN IN OKLAHOMA

DEAR HEART: I wish you had mentioned how old your daughter is. If she’s in her mid-late teens, she’s old enough to understand that you can’t let the romance continue as it is. If she is not yet a teenager, line up a licensed therapist to help you deal with the aftermath of your divorce.

Your partner may be a sex addict, which would explain his behavior and his inability to stop. What he has done IS betrayal, and when the line is drawn depends on your tolerance for pain.

PS Do you stay with him just to avoid turmoil for your daughter? You have to do what is best for him and you. There are resources that address sex addiction. Would he agree to try?

Dear ABBY: My mother has been a heavy drinker for many years, but has escalated in recent years. She and her partner drink heavily during the day on a daily basis. They embarrass themselves at family gatherings and don’t remember conversations.

I live overseas and 90% of the time I talk to my mom, she’s drunk. Family members are worried and it’s affecting their relationships, but I don’t think the mom and her partner know that. I have tried to talk to him about it and so has my aunt. She avoids the conversation and pretends it never happened.

She is now in her 70s and retired. I’m not sure there’s anything we can do. I have a hard time talking to her when she’s drunk and we’re breaking up because of it. Do you have any tips? – Tired of it in ILLINOIS

Dear Tired: No wonder you and your mother are breaking up. Dealing with an addict who is in denial is impossible. As much as you would like to, you cannot “fix” your mother or her drinking friend.

However, you can save yourself tears and worry by finding an Al-Anon chapter in your community and attending a few meetings (al-anon.org/info). Once you start looking, you’ll find they’re everywhere. Al-Anon, a branch of AA, was created for family members and others who are affected by an alcoholic’s addiction.

It is important for your well-being that you not be held responsible for what is happening to your mother. Once you meet other adults who are dealing with the same problems as you, you will understand this.

Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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