Dear ABBY: I have a friend that I take to lunch every now and then. I often pay the check. When she returns home to her husband, he is upset that she didn’t bring something for him. He says to my friend, “That’s what partners do.”
Abby, these people are not without food or the means to get it. Neither is hungry and brings nothing when they go out. What are your thoughts on this? – I DON’T BUY FOR TWO
Dear DO NOT BUY: The next time you take this friend out to lunch, if she asks to order something for her husband, tell her that’s fine with you, but his portion of the check will be on here.
PS And if “that’s what partners do” for each other, it doesn’t have to be a one-way street. What a manipulator!
Dear ABBY: I am the mother of a daughter, “Rebeka”, I put her up for adoption when I was a teenager. In short, we are united. Not only do we have a wonderful relationship, but I have a great relationship with Rebecca’s adoptive mother, and my husband and children (with my husband) all have an open and caring relationship with her.
Fast forward to my last visit with Rebecca. She and I were out and bumped into a friend of hers. She introduced me saying, “This is Sally, my birth mother.” I had no problem with her and was warmly welcomed by her friend (who, I think, had some “back” knowledge).
However, my afterthoughts led me to this: If the situation were to change and I were to introduce her to someone, what would I say? There is no term for our “status”. I think of her as my daughter, but most people who have known me and my husband for about 30 years don’t know that I had a child as a teenager.
I like Rebecca, who is now 50 years old. Why isn’t there a term to describe who she is to me (without long explanations)? I feel that this relationship also needs a term. – REHABILITATION IN LOUISIANA
DEAR NEW UNITED: Try this on for size: When introducing your daughter to someone she’s never met before, say, “I’d like you to meet my oldest daughter, Rebecca.”
Dear ABBY: I’m 43 years old and I’ve been talking to this guy for seven months. We agree we are not dating and are best friends with benefits. But it seems like we spend all our time together and we’re basically dating, but without a title. How can I make this commitment-phobe understand that we should be together without telling him? It would scare him. – MISSING STATUS IN NEW JERSEY
BELOVED IS MISSING: To you, the relationship you have with this guy seems like a date. For him, it’s friends with benefits. Nothing will change unless the two of you can have an honest conversation. If his mode of treatment is to head for the hills – after seven months – then he’s really not the one you’re looking for. We are sorry.
Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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