I lived ‘Below Deck’ on a luxury yacht – here’s what you need to know

Tahiti, St. Thomas and the French Riviera – I’ve been yachting to all these exotic locations, albeit from the comfort of my sofa. And, millions of Americans are in the same boat.

In 2013, Below Deck introduced the masses to the most fascinating mode of travel: the yacht. Since then, he’s become a Bravo mainstay with Season 9 of Below Deck Mediterranean premiering in June.

But how real is the reality show? I spent five nights on a yacht in Croatia to find out.

A tip for tipping

My suitcase wasn’t bursting with Benjamins. An agency at your final destination offers cash for crew tipping money. While you’re expected to tip $30,000 for a two-night Below Deck cruise, in real life you only need to tip 10% to 15% of your charter fee. That’s about $10,000 for a two-night cruise on a 180-foot charter yacht like Mustique (from $250,000 a week), which plays into the new season.

According to Zvonimir Androi, president of yacht charter company Via Croatia, most often, the tip comes from what is left after insurance.

So avoid the Dom Pérignon and skip the beluga caviar, and you’ll have money to spare.

What’s up, the dock?

In real life, Below Deck’s favorite commercial hanger isn’t quite as dramatic. The mooring on our yacht, Via Croatia’s five-cabin, 100-foot Adriatic Escape (from $52,800 per week), was cool.

I asked the crew if they hated setting up the skid – a difficult, Herculean task if you believe what you see on TV.

“It’s not that bad,” a twenty-year-old Croatian, as cute as his screen counterparts, told me. “That said, we’re not sad if you don’t ask for it.”

Play it cool

Despite being served meat on more than one occasion, my fellow vegetarian guests on board were no divas when it came to the kitchen – a major source of stress associated with being a chef on the show.

Tantrums aren’t the norm, Barbie Pascual, the “Below Deck” flight attendant famous for putting up with former “RHONY” star Jill Zarin’s demands for a perfect Diet Coke on the “Real Housewives of Grenada” episode, tells me. “Guests know they’re being filmed so their reactions are more extreme than they would be if the cameras weren’t around,” she says.

Pascual’s biggest tip for first-time yachtsmen? Don’t go skinny dipping, like they do in the show, after dark.

“People forget about currents, sharks, etc.,” she says. “Jumping must always be with the consent of the captain!”

Our humorless Croatian yacht captain was a far cry from the beloved Below Deck Mediterranean captain Sandy Yawn. I think we only saw him twice during the four days, and he definitely didn’t join us for dinner.

That was fine by us because the dishes and cutlery were always handy with anything we needed – including conversation.

Looking for it

“No” is a word you’ll never hear on a yacht unless there’s a safety issue, Pascual says.

While we didn’t ask our team to do a strip or decorate for a 70s night (two recurring requests on the show), questions aren’t out of the question, as long as you’re willing to pay for it.

For example, Via Croatia is currently rebuilding one of its multi-million dollar superyachts for an upcoming charter booked by a multi-generational Jewish family from Florida.

“In addition to paying the charter fee, the customer is literally buying everything new: pots, pans, silverware, etc. Androi said. They are even spending 30,000 dollars on a new tender for the elderly mother-in-law.”

Now, I’m not a reality show producer, but an electorate primary trying to keep his wife, her elderly mother, and their kosher children happy at sea has the makings of an Emmy Award-winning episode.

Yachting on a budget

Tickets are cheaper at the beginning and end of a destination’s season. Via Croatia’s coolest yacht, the 160-foot, 12-cabin Agape Rose, $200,000 per week in July and August. But it’s only $164,000 a week in April and October. Split that with 24 of your closest friends and family and it’s just $6,800 per person.

If that’s still too much, consider booking a yacht club suite on one of MSC Cruises’ Mediterranean voyages.

Sure, you’ll be on a cruise, but for $1,659 a person you’ll be treated to seven nights of private butler service with a private pool and restaurant that most passengers don’t even know exists.