The comedian’s genius hack to stop toddler tantrums in their tracks

Parents of toddlers know that dealing with fifth-grader tantrums is one of the hardest parts of parenting: especially if you’re in public.

As a mother and comedian on TikTok discovered an anger ‘hack’ by accident, an expert revealed why it actually worked.

In a link with content creator Emily Vondy, parenting expert and neuroscientist Dr. Chelsey Hauge-Zavaleta explained why one particular comic gesture Emily made when trying to deal with her three-year-old’s meltdown helped.

Mom Emily begins by explaining that her toddler was screaming after she zipped up her pajamas instead of letting him do it.

She says she was “losing shit” so Emily made a face. An exaggerated, comical expression that seemed to soften the meltdown almost immediately.

“It doesn’t layer the language”

In her original TikTok thread by Emily, Dr. Hauge-Zavaleta explains why the facial worked.

“Do you know what that does to a child in a meltdown? It doesn’t put language on their experience and you can feel like, ‘Ah, she gets it.’ [he toddler thinks]’Oh my God, my emotions are mirroring my parent,’ and sometimes that’s all we need to move forward.”

This expression of emotion without any words is a very successful way to defuse a meltdown before it goes nuclear.

Dr. Hauge-Zavaleta adds in response to Emily’s surprise at how well this funny face worked: “You didn’t scream and just make a face that says, ‘oh my god, this is so hard.’ [meaning] Your baby may go through a meltdown.

“You’ve given her an opportunity to reflect on herself and then get back into a relationship with you.

“Good job, Mom, that was great.”

“I really wanted to scream!”

In the original TikTok as used by Dr. Hauge-Zavaleta, Emily says she was working hard not to yell and be a reactive mom when her toddler gets upset.

“I really wanted to scream. I really wanted to lose my s**t. [but instead] I gave him one of these [comical looks]. And then the craziest thing happened, it stopped completely.

“She changes the subject as if she’s not in the middle of a category five meltdown, as if it never happened, as if she never existed.

“One second we’re passing out because we’re so tired, and I buttoned up her pajamas, and she wanted to button them up…and the next second, she’s telling me how much she loves my hair blur!”

In the comments below Emily’s original post about her surprising technique to save her baby from melting, thousands of parents shared their own version of the comical facial reaction.

One said: “My personal motto is ‘If you can’t calm them down, confuse them’. Honestly, it’s worked more times than I ever thought!”

“It was my turn”

Another added: “The next morning I threw a fit. I told the three-year-old it was my turn because she already has three games before 7am and it wasn’t fair for her to take all the turns.”

To which a third contributed: “I’m going to ask my kid off the wall questions like ‘do you think dinosaurs fart?’ The further away from the wall, the better.”

One younger user had a hilarious memory of her father comforting her and her siblings during a meltdown.

“My dad’s trick during meltdowns or sibling fights was ‘watch me do this’ and keep doing some weird movement like clapping my hands or kicking my feet and he’d do it until we stopped.”

So while Emily said it wasn’t her ‘proudest moment’ of parenthood, it certainly seemed relatable and funny to her followers.

Back to Dr. Chesley and more shared in her comments section why this type of response to a child’s tantrum worked for them too.

“I love this. It totally works for my 20 month old and is very natural for me too.”

A second agreed, saying, “The reflection is very powerful!”

Finally, one mother shares how this technique quelled a shopping mall frenzy: “Because of her video, I did this to my four-year-old and it worked.

“She started laughing and telling her brothers ‘come help fix mum’.