Don’t say these 16 things to loved ones with dementia, experts warn

Dementia may be a disease of the mind, but its effects can be very emotional.

Those suffering from cognitive decline may experience frequent changes in emotions and have less control over their feelings, according to the Alzheimer’s Association — which can make communication difficult.

“Most people don’t have regular interactions with those living with dementia, so it can be difficult to know what you should and shouldn’t say and how to behave,” Dana Eble, manager for the Alzheimer’s Caregiver Network in Detroit . Michigan, told Fox News Digital.

“Unfortunately, even the best interactions can lead to stress or confusion for someone experiencing cognitive decline.”

When communicating with a dementia patient, experts say it’s important to choose your language carefully and avoid certain phrases or questions, including the items in the following list.

1. ‘Don’t you remember?’

This tops the list as the worst question to ask someone with dementia, according to experts.

“This question can be frustrating or embarrassing for someone with dementia, since memory loss is a central symptom of their condition,” Timothy Frie, a nutritional neuroscientist in Atlanta, Georgia, who studies how traumatic stress causes neuroinflammation.

“This can make them feel inadequate or upset about their cognitive decline.”

Forcing the person to admit they don’t remember a memory or conversation can make them feel bad, added Christina Chartrand, Florida-based vice president of Senior Helpers, a home care company that often helps dementia patients.

Those suffering from cognitive decline may experience frequent changes in emotions and have less control over their feelings, according to the Alzheimer’s Association. SB Arts Media – stock.adobe.com

2. ‘Let me do it for you’

One of the hardest parts of having dementia is doing the day-to-day things you can no longer do independently, according to Adria Thompson, a licensed speech-language pathologist in Massachusetts with 10 years of experience in dementia care.

“Often, well-intentioned individuals can prematurely take on tasks without asking or evaluating if they need it, which can diminish the person’s sense of autonomy,” she told Fox News Digital.

“Instead of assuming they can’t do something, it’s more respectful to offer them help and let them tell you if they need it — and let them do the things they can for as long as they can.” as possible.”

3. ‘You’re wrong’

It’s best to avoid arguing or reasoning with someone with dementia, as it’s likely to anger and upset them, experts agreed.

“People with dementia don’t need to be corrected when they believe it’s Tuesday the 13th and not Monday the 1st,” Elizabeth Landsverk, MD, a California-based geriatrician and founder of Dr Liz Geriatrics, an education resource and online support. Digital News.

4. ‘Do you want to make plans for next week?’

“As dementia patients lose track of time, they lose a frame of reference that would make this question meaningful to them,” said Leonie Rosenstiel, president of Dayspring Resources, Inc., in Albuquerque, New Mexico, which helps families of seniors to plan. and face aging problems.

“If you expect to do something with them at a certain time in the future, they won’t be able to keep track of this meeting.”

To prevent frustration, Rosenstiel recommended making sure someone else can remember or write down the plans and that those plans don’t conflict with activities such as medical appointments.

When communicating with a dementia patient, experts say it’s important to choose your language carefully. LIGHTFIELD STUDIOS – stock.adobe.com

5. ‘You look good’

“Society often has a preconceived notion of what madness looks and acts like, and if someone doesn’t fit that stereotype, it can seem tempting to use the phrase as a compliment,” Thompson noted.

“However, this phrase can underestimate the struggle and everyday experiences of the individual.”

It’s important to be aware that symptoms and experiences can vary widely among individuals with dementia, Thompson told Fox News Digital.

6. ‘I just told you that’ or ‘You already told me that’

Along the same lines of “Don’t you remember?” experts recommend not asking questions or making statements that are likely to upset the person.

Constantly “noticing that someone is repeating themselves can lead to feelings of frustration and self-consciousness,” Frie said.

“It’s best to gently redirect the conversation or respond as if it’s new information.”

That’s especially true in the middle stages of their disease, when patients may have moments when they know their brain isn’t working properly, according to Jennifer Fink, a California-based caregiving expert who facilitates support groups for the Alzheimer’s Association. .

7. ‘How have you been feeling this week?’

This might seem like a natural question to ask if it’s been a week since you visited a loved one or friend and you’re trying to catch up.

However, it could do more harm than good, Rosenstiel said.

“We ask each other questions like this all the time, but someone with dementia may not remember how they felt five minutes ago, let alone how they felt yesterday,” she warned.

“They may create something, in an attempt to please you, or they may be disappointed or angry.”

8. ‘You don’t make sense’

Criticism of dementia patients’ communication can hurt their self-esteem and discourage them from speaking up, according to Michael Kramer, a long-term care educator and director of community relations for retirement homes that house seniors with dementia.

“Being patient and making an effort to understand their perspective helps preserve their dignity and encourages open communication,” said Kramer, who is based in Ontario.

An expert says one of the hardest parts of dementia is doing things on a daily basis that can no longer be done independently. LIGHTFIELD STUDIOS – stock.adobe.com

9. ‘Do you remember this?’

It’s best to avoid asking if the person remembers specific information, such as a name, date or event, as it can put the person on the spot and feel like evidence, experts said.

“Instead, start by introducing yourself,” Ebel suggested—”something like, ‘Hey, Grandma, it’s Dana, your niece!'” It might feel weird at first, but it’ll put your boyfriend at ease by reminding him of the name. yours and your connection to it.”

The same goes for events or memories, she said.

Instead of asking if they remember, start with “I remember when…” and then continue with your story.

“Those with dementia like to remember, but don’t use it as a test of their memory,” Eble added.

10. ‘You’re hard on purpose’

That phrase is “hurtful and dismissive,” Kramer warned.

“It overlooks the fact that behavioral challenges are the result of dementia itself, not intentional actions,” he said.

“Using empathy and understanding rather than frustration is essential in managing these situations.”

Labeling behavior as “difficult” can increase frustration and tension, Fri acknowledged.

“Understanding that challenging behaviors are often a symptom of illness can help respond with patience and empathy,” he said.

11. Using words like ‘bib’ or ‘diaper’

“As dementia progresses, caregivers may need to start using products to help with incontinence and/or help make mealtime easier,” Eble noted.

She recommended using positive language for these products, such as “protective underwear”, “garment” or “apron”.

12. ‘Remember, she died last year, we went to the funeral…’

Remembering someone with dementia the death of a loved one can be worrisome, since the person likely doesn’t retain this information, according to Kate Granigan, a geriatric social worker and president of the Board of the Aging Life Care Association in Boston.

“It can trigger a grief response over and over, as if the information is newly learned,” she told Fox News Digital.

Instead, she recommended saying something like, “It sounds like you’re really thinking about Uncle Harold today. Do you have a favorite memory from when you were a child?”

13. ‘It didn’t happen like that’

“Dementia can cause confusion and altered perceptions of events,” Kramer said.

“Correcting someone harshly can increase their distress and confusion.”

Instead, it’s better to validate their experiences and gently guide them instead of insisting on correctness, the expert recommended.

14. ‘Do you want to [insert activity]?’

In some cases, phrasing activities as questions can cause confusion for a dementia patient, according to Eble.

“If you’re the primary caregiver responsible for your loved one’s toileting, showering, feeding, or sleeping schedule, instead of asking, “Would you like to,” direct them with, “Let’s go to [bathroom, shower, kitchen]”, she recommended.

“Adding that little bit of direction will help maintain their schedule.”

15. ‘What would you like to wear today?’

Open-ended choices can leave a dementia patient confused or frustrated, Rosenstiel noted.

“They may also have no idea whether they’ll need a sweater or not because they don’t remember what they heard in a weather report an hour ago,” she told Fox News Digital.

A more productive question might be: “Here’s a red and a blue sweater. Which one would you rather wear?”

“Even then, sometimes a limited choice is too much effort for a dementia patient,” the expert said.

16. ‘Take your coat and shoes, take your bag and meet me at the door’

Long sentences with multiple parts or commands can be overwhelming and confusing for someone with dementia, according to Granigan.

“It’s more successful to provide a brief direction or one piece of information at a time,” she told Fox News Digital.

“Pause between each one and guide the person through the task if necessary before starting the next one.”

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