Earlier this month, I received a creepy email from a stranger with a subject line that read, “Check your inbox on Insta.”
Part of the email said, “Could you please rate as you are the guru.”
I immediately had a gut feeling about what it was going to be – ad*ck pic.
And the unexpected surprise, lurking in the dark recesses of my Instagram DMs was a message that said, “Jana Jana Jana!!! Since you are the guru, appreciate me,” accompanied by a graphic and unsolicited image of his genitalia in a bathroom. His hand clutching his slender Woody Woodpecker proudly between his legs in knee-deep water. Oh, and some very distinctive leg tattoos. (First mistake, you should never send nude photos with details that could reveal your identity).
It was all very strange. And very unspectacular.
I had reached my limit of strangers sending me d*ck pics – especially this creepy dude who even tried to find my personal email. So I decided to take action.
I clicked on his Instagram account and sure enough, it was a custom motorcycle business account. Oh, and it had his cell number. Jackpot.
I took a screenshot of his email and posted it on my Instagram with a caption saying, “So I looked… and yes, it’s a publicity photo. And yes, he found my email too. Please feel free to send (tag his full name on Instagram here) a **middle finger emoji** from me. Not today Satan.”
I knew he would probably freak out when he saw my post and I expected a barrage of middle finger emojis from my followers. But what he did next pissed me off the most.
As expected, within minutes, he sent me a desperate DM begging me to take down the post. However, there were two words he kept repeating that made it clear he wasn’t getting the message.
Our exchange went like this:
Him: “Please take it off.”
Then he sent me a video of his bank account. I do you not you.
Him: “I’m sorry, I’ll make it up to you for my stupidity.”
Him: “I thought you were a free spirit.”
Now, I need to take a moment to explain why his “free spirit” comment was so infuriating. This guy, without any sane reason, somehow convinced himself that because I write sex-positive articles and advocate for people to embrace and explore their sexual needs, it would be perfectly acceptable to send me a picture of unsolicited of his penis. He hadn’t even asked for my consent before making his noise on me.
And so back to the messages…
Me: “How dare you send me something disgusting.”
Him: “OMG I’m sorry.”
Me: “I didn’t ask for it.”
He: “I didn’t want to.”
Him: “I thought you were a free spirit.”
Grrr… once again with that “breath free” line. It really wasn’t helping his case. Tone it down, I thought to myself. If he’s going to continue with that line of excuses, I’m holding my post up.
Him: “I’m sorry, I’ll make it up to you for my stupidity.”
Yes, dear reader, I believe he was trying to bribe his way out of public embarrassment.
Me: “Never send a woman a picture of your penis.” (I really wanted to give it a scare here).
Him: “I just thought you were a free spirit Jana.”
Him: “Okay I hear you!!!”
Me: “It’s sexual harassment.” (Once again outraged at the “free spirit” excuse).
Him: “Okay really.”
Him: “Please take it off.”
Him: “I’ll make it up to you for my stupidity.”
Him: “I’ve always seen your story (sic) and thought you were a free spirit.”
Him: “I missed it by a long shot.”
Me: “I don’t want compensation, I want women to stop being harassed by creeps like you.”
Him: “I missed the free spirit meme by a long shot.”
He: “Look, I’m sorry Jana, I hope I didn’t ruin your day. Please remove your story. And I promise I won’t send you anything like that again!!!”
Me: “But you keep saying ‘free spirit’ and it’s not about being a ‘free spirit’ it’s about not wanting to be sexually harassed on my Instagram or my email.”
Him: “I miss judge (sic) by a million miles. I’m a business owner and this is going to destroy me. Please, I’m only 24.”
OK, so by now I knew I was going to remove it, but I really wanted to drive the message home, so I replied:
Me: “I’m sorry and you will never send a woman an unflattering picture again.”
Him: “Sorry, I will never send a woman a picture without consent again.”
Me: “…and don’t ever contact me about the king creep again.”
He: “Thank you and I’m sorry Jana”.
Me: “I’m removing it and blocking you. Now f**k off.”
Him: “Thank you, I apologize that I don’t know how much you have saved me and my business. thank you thank you!!! Thank you!!!”
And with that I blocked and removed the post.
On reflection, was I just a little tired, hormonal, and just right for my period? yes. So am I sorry? Absolutely not.
So men, for the love of God, can you please stop sending women you follow on Instagram (strangers!!!) your unsolicited creepy peckers?
As I have said before, they are not cute. They won’t turn us on. We don’t want to see them.
And friend, you asked me to rate it, so I’m going to do it publicly here and now. I rate it 3 out of 10 the absolute best. Oh, and your shower could do with a good cleaning.
Jana Hocking is a columnist and aggregator @jana_hocking
#ultimate #revenge #man #spammed #disgusting #photo #Jana #Hocking
Image Source : nypost.com