Dear ABBY: I can’t understand why my mother kept the last name of my ex-husband (my stepfather) who sexually abused me and my sister when we were children. She knew all about it after I broke down and told her when I was 10 years old. She stayed married to him for years after, with my sister and I at home. Keeping that monster away from me was hell on earth.
Mum now has dementia and I take good care of her. I made sure I had a good, healthy life and relationship and I also made sure to protect my child from abuse. I’m trying not to be angry, sad and hurt. I don’t live every day thinking about it. Am I too sensitive? – SURVIVED IN INDIANA
DEAR SURVIVOR: Too sensitive? I don’t think so. Considering the circumstances, your feelings are normal. I admire you for growing up and making sure your mother is well taken care of, even though she didn’t do that for you.
As a victim of sexual abuse, you should have gotten counseling years ago. If that doesn’t happen, you could benefit greatly from getting some now. One place to find what you need would be RAINN, the national sexual assault hotline, which can be reached online at rainn.org or by calling (toll-free) 800-656-4673.
Dear ABBY: Should I be angry with the father of my unborn child for not coming with me to travel abroad? My cousin is getting married in Mexico. However, my partner, “Gabriel”, will not be going because one of his good friends is getting married on the same weekend.
We only found out recently that I am pregnant and when my cousin’s wedding comes around, I will be five months old. My family will be going, but they have already booked their flights, which are now sold out, so I will have to travel pregnant and alone to Mexico.
The night I found out I was pregnant, Gabriel told me he would go with me, as he didn’t want the mother of his unborn child to travel alone to another country. However, as the wedding approached, he said he no longer wanted to go, as it would be expensive and he would miss his friend’s wedding.
Abby, am I wrong to be upset that he doesn’t want to come with me? I guess I’m more disappointed because I assumed he would want to be protective in this situation, but it almost seems like he’s choosing his friend over us. I know I’m biased and my emotions are running high, but I really want to be calm about this and try to figure it out. – EXPECTED TRAVELER IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR TRAVELER: Sorry if this seems harsh, but what you need to understand is that your partner is selfish and more concerned about the good time he’s going to have with his friend than the mother of his soon-to-be child . That should be an indication of the kind of husband and father he can make whether you plan to marry him.
That said, if your doctor says you’re okay to travel, your family will be close by to keep an eye on you, so you shouldn’t be in any danger. The independence you show now may be necessary in any future you have with – or without – your partner.
Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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