Dear Abby: So I tell my kids about their cheating dad’s affairs?

Dear ABBY: After many years of trying to keep our family together, divorce is our final option. My husband has had two affairs that I know of during our 30 year marriage. They hurt me deeply. We have had a lot of counseling, but we cannot overcome the damage and breakdowns in communication.

Should I tell our college-age children about jobs? I kept them a secret for years because he was a good father and I didn’t want to ruin my children’s relationship with their dad. But now that we’re breaking up, I’m afraid I might be blamed when our situation is entirely his fault.

I did everything I could to save our marriage, including forgiving the first affair that happened before our children were born, and raising happy and successful children with him. Now he has blown this up again, and I am angry that he continues to have a good relationship with our children.

At the same time, I have a good relationship with my elderly father, although I suspect he may have cheated on my mother. After all these years, I don’t know for sure, and I’m thankful that I don’t. What do you think? Do my children need to know the real reason we broke up? – RAISED IN CANADA

DEAR PRESIDENT: If your husband is true to form, your children will probably recognize on their own that their father has a character flaw. You stated that you are grateful not to know intimate details about your father. That’s why I’m recommending you take a page out of your book and resist the temptation to throw mud at your almost-ex.

Dear ABBY: My best friend and I both have kids in our mid-20s. I don’t understand why she coddles her son to the point that he is now learning to do his own laundry, clean his bathroom, pay his bills, grocery shop or even go to doctor appointments on his own. She always has some excuse as to why he wasn’t taught life skills when he was younger.

When it came time for her son to move out, she bought a new house. She said it would be easier and she didn’t have to pay the price of a house with interest where they are. Then she spent an insane amount on a house and moved out, buying new furniture for herself and leaving the old things for her.

How can he not see that he is doing more harm than good when it comes to teaching him independence? Both parents do this to him. My daughter, 18, has been doing these things since she was 12, and that includes cooking, yard work, laundry, and housework in addition to just vacuuming. Does my friend not understand that it is harmful for her son not to do things on his own? Am I wrong to think this way? – GOOD PARENTS IN MICHIGAN

DEAR PARENT: You are not wrong. By not teaching her son the survival skills he will need on his own (if he ever gets there), she has slowed his ability to take care of himself. This may have been an attempt to make his life easier. It could also be an attempt to keep her beloved son dependent on her for as long as possible. Be thankful that the young man is getting the lessons he has IS learning, even if they are a little late.

Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.