A mother-of-one who suffered through a traumatic birth and four pregnancy losses has called her husband ‘selfish’ online for refusing to have a vasectomy.
“I recently lost our fourth child. I’ve had three previous miscarriages,” she explained Mumsnet. “We had a live birth from an IVF pregnancy, our very young baby who has extra needs and was born with a birth defect.”
She explains that she suffers from multiple medical conditions such as PCOS, fibroids, pelvic fluid and she “really doesn’t want” to go on birth control and “mess up” her hormones and body even more.
Her husband’s ‘selfish’ response
“I suffer enough and have had all the tests, examinations, surgical procedures, scans and hormones put into my body. I was injured during childbirth in a very traumatic way, many stitches, hemorrhages, etc. I just want to be left alone,” she said.
“We don’t have sex often for many reasons. Mainly being me I’m exhausted from being a ‘mom’ and in a lot of pain. When we do, it’s beautiful, and I love my husband so much. But this evening I asked him if he would consider having a vasectomy so that we can enjoy our sex life again, knowing that I won’t get pregnant and have a miscarriage or another child.”
Before the mother could present her point of view, her husband apparently “absolutely refused.”
He said, “I’m not going to put myself through that.”
“I am completely shocked at how selfish she is. It upsets me a lot,” said the defeated mother before turning to the community to assess the situation.
“AIBU be confused or should I calm down and try to see this from his point of view?” she asked.
“I’d be devastated”
The anonymous woman took a poll for people to weigh in, and while 83% supported it, 17% said it was unreasonable.
Some comments from that 83% included:
“Honestly, some men are so selfish. No wonder you’re confused.”
“What he said was very selfish and inconsiderate of everything you’ve been through. I’d be very angry too.”
“How dare he let you get beat up and ripped and then get on his high horse saying he won’t “put himself through” minor surgery (my husband had it, it was very minor) for save you mental and physical anxiety.”
“I would be devastated by that answer and I think you two should be able to discuss this.”
“Any man who can watch his wife go through even a single pregnancy and not be ready to volunteer for a vasectomy when the couple is ready to stop reproducing is selfish. Compared to the years of side effects and the risks of birth control and the risks with pregnancy, it’s absolutely insignificant.”
And in the minority camp, some comments included:
“I mean it’s his body and he can say no, but he has to be respectful of that.”
“How would you respond if he asked you to connect the pipes?”
“His body is his choice and a vasectomy is not without risk.”
“He shouldn’t be bullied into it.”
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