Dear ABBY: I admire your wit and appreciate your honesty, which is why I am writing to you. I have been dating a man for 4 1/2 years. He is 56; I am 60. I hope for a life with him, marriage, a country of our own, etc.
The only obstacle is his obligation to take care of his elderly parents and help them stay in their home, which he promised them years ago.
At first, I was fine waiting for him to be done with them and looking forward to some us time. I tried to help.
I even moved into his parent’s house with the three of them since I’m a certified home aide, but his mom was impossible.
Even though it was her idea for me to transfer, it became clear that she didn’t want my help with anything. She even banned me from “her” kitchen.
I spent six months there, sleeping in my room, separated from my love, because in their world, if you’re not married and having sex, you’re a sinner going to hell.
Of course, we were having sex discreetly, but apparently not discreet enough, because his mother was absolutely certain that we were having sex in her house against her rules.
Abby, it was a nightmare. There was more involved, but I finally left the house without any notice.
Long story short: I don’t know if I can wait any longer for the life I love. Who knows how long this will go on. I’m losing faith that it will ever work. What do you advise? – PEACEFUL IN WASHINGTON
DEAR PRESHA: You and your boyfriend are adults and have the right to a sex life if you want.
That he allowed his controlling mother to “kick you out of the house without warning” (!) and didn’t have the courage to enlighten him that if you left, he’d be the one from there too, must be the wake-up call. – the call you needed to keep going.
Four and a half years have been enough to wait. If you want the life you describe, your chances will be much better if you keep looking for a man who is available, because this one is not obvious.
Dear ABBY: My son married a girl from Taiwan. She is sweet but very uncultured. I have tried for over 10 years to get along with him, but it has been very difficult. We have nothing in common except my son.
She doesn’t cook, clean or do laundry very often. Her English is terrible. She dresses badly, has no interest in her home and does not celebrate any holidays. We are never invited to dinner. We always entertain them. They have no children.
Our relationship with our son is strong, but I have grown to dislike her. She does very little for him. Her interest in saving money at the expense of any pleasure is sad. I dont know what to do. Help please. — DISAPPOINTED IN TEXAS
DEAR DISAPPOINTED: OK, so she’s not your ideal bride. Your son married this woman for a reason.
The question is, does she? HIM happy? If the answer is yes, devote your energy to focusing on him and not on your negative feelings about him.
And when you entertain them, instead of doing it grudgingly, remember that you’re doing it for the sake of it to him. (And smiles.)
Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
#Dear #Abby #relationship #partners #elderly #mother #unbearable
Image Source : nypost.com