Dear Abby: It’s been 13 years and I still haven’t met my partner’s son

DEAR ABBY: I have been divorced for many years and I have a partner. “Andy” is a widower whose wife died 20 years ago. We have been a couple for 13 years, even though we don’t live together.

My son is 30 and his partner is 40. They both have their own families and busy lives. I met Andy while my son was still living at home so he never spent the night here.

My elderly mother lives with me, so it’s easier to stay at Andy’s place. We talk most nights for an hour or more on the phone.

My point is: Although Andy knows my extended family, and while I know his son’s story, I have never met his son.

When I asked him about it once, he said it was for “privacy” reasons and that his ex-girlfriend had never met his son.

I find this really strange. My son doesn’t like Andy because of this. I don’t get it, but I can live with it. What is your opinion on it please? – MYSTIFIED IN AUSTRALIA

DEAR MYSTIZED: My guess is that after 13 years, in the normal course of things, you should have met Andy’s son. There must be a reason why your partner is keeping you and the boy apart.

People who are so concerned with privacy usually have secrets they are keeping.

Finding out the reason for this is more important than meeting his son.

Dear ABBY: I will no longer spend time with my brother and sister in law. This is due to lies, manipulation and lack of interest in anything that does not suit them. (I will tolerate them at weddings, funerals, etc.)

My husband understands my decision and that I would never stop him from spending time with them, but I would not accompany him.

I understand that this may put him in a difficult position, but while I feel bad for him, I will not change my position.

Abby, we need a good explanation for my absence. I don’t want him to lie and say I had other plans or I’m not feeling well, but I also don’t want him to say I despise them and refuse to be in the same room with them.

I take the attitude that everyone else in the family would like to take but won’t, as they have all enabled this bad behavior all these years. I am the first to declare that I have had enough.

I want my husband to tell them something once so that they understand the issue and don’t expect to see me in the future. Any words of wisdom? – IN ALBANIA IN FLORIDA

LOVED OUT: I don’t think you should burden your husband by expecting him to be the bearer of that message.

If the brother or sister-in-law asks where you are, he should tell them that you are not coming.

And if they ask why, he should say: “Ask here.” that it would be time to get your message across “just once”.

Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.